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How do we live every day without you? How do we not miss you?  Why have you gone so far that our voice won't reach you?  Why did ...

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Guilt & Conscience


 Note : This is a sequel to my earlier post "Two Friends"

As they say destiny always has different plans for life. If you plan X , you land up in an exactly in opposite direction of X . Sherya and Shankar were made for each other that’s what the world thought . Indeed Shreya had wondered about what would  be her next step in life. Life wasn't exactly fulfilling yet she had little or no expectations .But then Shreya & Sankar's life took turns in two opposite direction . Shreya who always wanted to be with someone was treading alone and Sankar who would have been last person on this earth to be commited, found his match whom he was eager to Marry. Isha was intelligent, career oriented, fair, curly hair; not exactly size zero but with curves at right places. Sankar at once fell in love with Isha. They worked together and Sankar was bowled over by Isha’s enthusiasm to shop, to have fun and her common sense. Sankar and Isha instantly became good friends.  Isha and Sankar were in relationship for six months and he thought, time has come to introduce Isha to the group.

Before announcing his new commitment, Sankar met Vijayan to find out about Shreya. He hoped that she has already met someone. Vijayan who enjoyed close relationship with Shreya and Sankar, knew them very well. Vijayan had a feeling about what might be on Sankar's mind, Sankar on other hand was as vague as possible. He asked, "I wonder what Shreya is upto these days ?." Vijayan acted as if he didn’t hear the question. It was easier to act as both of them were sitting at a pub. Vijayan pretended to be drunk. Sankar also knew Vijayan well enough, he didn't push.  Sankar wanted to bring topic about himself and Isha to change the discussion which never took place. However, suddenly Shreya's memories flushed through his mind. Her smile, her calmness , innocence flushed through his mind as a wave of memory. Sankar felt restless , he went to cloak and vomited. He took a quick leave from Vijayan and left the pub. It was sudden and abrupt . Before Vijayan could speak or react, Sankar had left .
Sankar walked briskly almost 5 -6 km for next 45 mins. as if he was trying to be faster than flow of thoughts .Smoking off all 10 cigarettes  of the pack, trying to recollect atleast one of the shortcomings of Shreya which justified the separation. His memory only brought back their intimacy, exchanges of thoughts without speaking, her hugs and  the hug at airport, when he returned from states ,  affection was lost . Shreya was suddenly looked ugly. He stopped, his legs couldn’t move further , he called a cab . As soon as he sat in it, he was fast asleep.

At pub, Vijayan was pondering over the bill. He wondered whether Sankar still has some inclinations for Shreya . He knew Sankar was always the stronger and dominant part his and Shreya’s relationship. However, he was confident that about Shreya's ability of handling this major setback of life. Sankar's vulnerability came as surprise for Vijayan . Vijayan paid and left the pub. He prayed his wife should be fast asleep and was glad that his wife was not awake when he reached.

Sankar was awoke by his mother by gentle tapping on his arm , which he saw in his dream as someone pushing him across the cliff. He woke up with a jerk . His mom said “how can you sweat with AC on." Sankar said nothing. He concentrated on what he wants now. He told himself "he wants Isha."He wrote it on paper. After freshening up, and breakfast. Sankar left for work. At work he tried to focus on work. However, more absurd thoughts were running in mind. First thought, he imagined Shreya accusing him in public for being rude and selfish. In another stream , he imagined police came for enquiring about mysterious death of Shreya .His  stream of thoughts were interrupted by Isha , who had specially dressed for him. She saw some weird expression on his face , she asked "are you okay?" Shankar shrugged and replied “I am alright. You look gorgeous today”   “Its from ‘Vera Moda’”. Both of them were now lost in appraising each other and planning the upcoming weekend. After dropping Isha home, Sankar drove to the nearest corner and parked his car. He scrolled through the list of numbers , there was Shreya’s number, he couldn’t bring himself to dial. He sat there staring in dark.

He told himself, “I want Isha” and sped away.

Shreya somewhere was accepting larger responsibilities in professional life with no space personal commitments.