On Marriage

Someone told me to write about Marriage. But, I did more – I told the king of humor C. Suresh to write about being single. One cannot talk about pros and cons of marriage unless they also know pros and cons of a single life. He gave me a sassy post called Singled Out which also received a rather warm response on facebook.     

Then, I embarked upon writing introspective post on marriage. To be honest it was difficult because being a professional you tend to look at tangible and intangible benefits of this alliance and  the first question that arose in my mind was,

What did I get after being cajoled into getting married?  Mind you it was my mom who said – “He is a decent lad.”

“That ‘is’ the problem,” I’d responded in a casual tone then.  One ought to know themselves before looking out for partner and those who know me know me and decency live far apart.

What is the issue if he is a decent guy, you ask. Then my dear friend you ought to learn a few more things in life before you seriously consider getting hitched and if there anything that you shouldn’t worry about then it is – getting married.

 The family system in India ensures that you will get married at an “appropriate” time.  The family finds you a match equivalent to your social, financial, and educational status.  There are many uncles and aunts who will also help your parents to find one.  The technology is also not behind, these days they offer community based matrimonial services.   Did I forget to mention horoscope – If at all your family believes in it be ready to wear rings of different stones, fasts on particular days etc. But in the end you should not worry. You will be married before you blink an eyelid.  If you fall in love, well, that is another matter entirely. It also demands an altogether separate post.

 So, I considered my options before saying, 'Yes' to the decent lad whom I’d technically dated for six months or so.  But Mom made it easier, she said –

“You get married to this decent fellow or I will kick you out,” the threat did the trick. Also staying alone – monetarily didn’t seem feasible. You see, if I can stay with someone who can pay rent or even share it is better, plus I prefer to live in people’s company.

Yes, I could have found bachelors to stay with and move out of my safety net. The idea never enticed me. Considering the kind of person I am – I would have always wanted to get married.

After my consent, it didn’t take long for my home to become a set, straight out of a Suraj Barjatya movie.  Lunch and dinner invites to and by various relatives.  Shopping, shopping and more shopping.  I am rather surprised that I didn't choke  to death with all the food that was stuffed in my mouth  or that I didn’t get heart attack after seeing the credit card bill.

I still have that facebook status in ‘memories’ which says – Credit card bill arrived in mail and I didn’t die.

Alas! My mom got rid of me successfully. Otherwise I could never explain her resolve to get me married and specifically to this guy. From the day I got married this decent guy my life has gone for a toss. He would say-

“Let’s go east.”

I would reply,

“I like west.”

By the time we are done arguing about east and west and I finally give in to go east he would have  already tread down South.

We never had any consensus on even matters as remote to our marriage as who should be the Prime Minister of India or whether Dhoni should resign from captaincy. So just imagine the amount of disagreement upon which house to buy or which car model to buy. It was outrageous for someone like me who lived life at my own terms before marriage.

If there is anything we like to do together then it is to stay at home on a holiday. Again while he has a to-do list with him, I might just watch TV or sleep through the day.

In past four years I have not been able to track test matches, new movie releases or travel for leisure. Life is constantly about bills, EMI, social engagements and changing priorities.  

Talk about getting married to a ‘decent’ guy.

But, it has its moments. Like, when on a busy day a fruit magically comes out of the bag and I recall that I didn't even have the time to pack it.  He always calls up to check if I reached office, regardless of the numerous arguments we had in the morning.  Doesn’t blink an eye when I say I am meeting an old friend who is a guy. If you want to say this isn’t anything great then my friend I reiterate you ought to learn more about life and ways of world.

Yes, with marriage life does become limited.  I can’t just get up and go off on a wild safari and sometimes I have a difficult time accepting that kind of a limitation. But these are trade offs I’ve made to be with someone who accepts that I will seldom put up a Bindi or wear a Bangle. Or that I don’t  believe in Idol worship. Or that to some extent I am still a tomboy.  Above all it’s nice to wait for him to have dinner together even if he is a vegetarian and I might like to have chicken or fish every alternate day.

At the end of the day the alliance doesn’t work single handedly.  Swords are drawn at minor topics like if our country is losing is its secular fabric but only after calling truce can one find peace and resolve to tackle such topics.

Marriage is a gamble – play at your own risk.